I once had a good friend, a best friend, really. More than a best friend. The kind of friend that will drop everything to be by your side when the rest of the world has walked away; the kind of friend that can be counted on to know what you need before you are even sure yourself. I think, that for the most part, I was this sort of friend to her too. Until I screwed up. I won't get into how I screwed up exactly, because it no longer matters. (And because it will make me look terrible, and let's face it, this is MY blog) But I definitely screwed up big time. I hurt her feelings deeply and I turned my back on ten or so years of the best friendship I have ever known. My reasons for doing this were stupid and inexcusable. I let others sway my opinion of my good friend in ways I should have known were ridiculous. I said horrible, hurtful things and I let my pride get in the way of apologizing. Until now.
Last week I found her profile on Facebook, this long lost friend of mine. (It has been more than two years since we've spoken.) It was good to see her face, and her children and that she and her husband seem to be doing well. It wrung out my heart to think about how much I miss her presence in my life. I got to thinking about all of the things in my life that have changed and gone better or worse in the last two years and how much easier the hardships would have been to bear if she had still been a part of my life. I thought about how much more fun the good times would have been with her easy laughter and our matching sense of humor. I remembered for just a moment how many times in the last two years I'd had a thought or a joke that I wanted to share just with her, and no way to reach out and do so. I thought about my children missing her children and how big a waste it really all had been for us to be missing out on so much just because I was too proud to apologize. So I did. I sat down and wrote her an apology and sent it facebook style to her inbox. It wasn't near the apology she deserved, but it was heartfelt and I was in a hurry to try to heal things between us. So I sent my apology. And I waited, and waited.
Today, she called me. It made my day. I got to hear her four beautiful children talking and playing the background and I got to apologize for real. (the kind of apology she deserved.) It was easier than I expected, having her there on the other end of the line, just to tell her how wrong I was , and how sorry I was and how very much I wanted to make things right between us again. She is a good person (she always was) and she has a gracious heart. She accepted my apology and in keeping with her heart of gold she told me that everyone makes mistakes, and that she missed me too. We are going to work to heal this thing that happened, the two of us, our families too. Tonight I will go to sleep knowing that things are just a little more right in my little world. If you owe somebody an apology, make it--you'll feel better.
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