Sunday, March 29, 2009

Just Plain Old Angry

There have been a lot of reasons I haven't been writing here lately.

1. Tire blowouts. I had one last Friday, at a most inconvenient time and place and when B and I changed it: the spare was flat too. Total cost $83.90.

2. Drain Clogs. Yes, plural. Clogs. And other plumbing disasters. First my laundry tub drain clogged while my wonderful husband was pounding through our giant backlog of the children's laundry. Then while plunging the drain--the pipes underneath sprung some major leaks due to age. Bad enough right? Then we discovered that the mainline drain for the house had backed up raw sewage all over the basement floor. On a Saturday. On this one I got lucky. Instead of roto-rooters standard $300, I found an awesome Electric Eel service that cleared the sewer drain for $80. and gave me advice on fixing the rest ourselves.

3. Migraines. Again, plural. As it turns out my Mirena IUD was causing me some fairly frequent, totally rotten migraines. As a result we decided to have it removed.

4. Unemployment. Fired pretty much. Both of us. B and I were both working lots of hours ( for minimum money) and doing it gladly. When I say lots of hours I mean 3-4 hours daily plus between 4 and 7 twelve-hour overnights every week. We were taking care of his Grandma who I mentioned before has Alzheimer's disease. It was making ends meet for us, saving his mother an absolute fortune in caregiver salaries and giving us both a lot of joy to spend time with her every day. (his Grandma, not his mother!) So like I mentioned before his mother has not been overjoyed that we got married, and when we told her that we wanted to continue helping to take care of Grandma but needed to be able to spend Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday overnights at home with the kids from now on, she got angry. Very angry. The angrier she got, the more tense things over there became the more we realized that we not only wanted those overnights off, but we also wanted at least two days a week completely off, without having to go over at all. Suffice it to say that this did not make her any happier and after many tense days of thinly veiled accusations about inadequate care on our part( completely untrue.) she decided that we should keep doing what we were doing for no pay at all. While we would have loved to be able to do that for his grandma, necessity dictates that when you have three children to support someone must work for actual money to pay bills. Go figure. This resulted in us not returning. (after a scene in which she said she didn't understand why he was acting this way that everything had worked just fine until I came along---OMG. It worked fine because he was at her beck and call for six g%^D%&m years. Then she insisted that we leave because she was afraid of me because I told her pointedly and in a very unfriendly tone of voice that she was no longer dealing with a single man with limited options, but instead with a man who now has a wife and three-step children as well as unlimited other choices for earning an income.) That was around the third of March and we haven't been back since. No money and she has upset the hell out of my husband.

5. Life really sucks sometimes. B's Dad was scheduled last Monday, after months of chemo and radiation and waiting, for surgery to treat his pancreatic cancer. After only an hour in the OR they postponed surgery for now to do more chemo as they found at least one additional tumor site. This breaks my heart.

6. Finally the real reason I temporarily deserted my blog ( and even deleted it for a few desperate days--although I am so glad blogger added that undelete feature.) I am angry. Not a little bit angry or even run of the mill angry, but searing-red-hot-over-the-top-want-to-scream-out-loud ANGRY. Livid. I have been angry since the middle of February. I have been seething since the first week of March. I have barely mentioned(except for earlier in this post) the reasons for my anger here for two reasons. One I am so angry that I have little control over what I say about it once I get started on the topic and two I love my husband so very very much. You see, It's my mother-in-law. It turns out that the sweetest, most gentle, caring man I have ever met was somehow raised by the most self-centered, inconsiderate and controlling women I have ever met. And did I mention how much she hates me for occupying her son's time and attention.

So really my absence is all about how angry I am at her. I have tried to avoid coming here to rant about this. But now here I am. Let me tell you why it makes me so angry. She acted like an ass and in the process hurt my husband directly and my children indirectly (with all of the new financial problems) and I love them more than anything in this world. So now I am Mamma-bear type angry. In addition, B and I have been forced into making a round of very important decisions very quickly and completely unnecessarily. In short order we have had to decided if we really want to have another baby or not, and when might be a good time, if one or both of us should head back to school, and when would be a good time and what kind of work we should settle into in the meantime. So now I've said. Spilled the reasons for my absence. Time to move on. (although I reserve the right to revisit this topic from time to time as my anger comes and goes....)

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Some things My Dad Taught Me About Love

1. Love isn't really about your feelings, it's about the other person's feelings.

2. Some days love isn't even a feeling at all; It's a decision you make.

3. Pick your battles. Lose as often as you can stand it. Only fight for things you can't live without. In the end everyone wins this way. There is a lot of joy in letting the one you love have things their way.

4. Keep quiet when you're angry because mean things can't be unsaid. It's way easier to forgive than it is to forget.

5. Always say your sorry, because even when you're right you should be sorry that you fought.

6. Don't wait until you make up to be affectionate or make love-- let your physical connection carry you when words just don't help.

I know they aren't everything, but I'm really counting on them to get me through. So far so good...