It has been one of those weeks. A rough one. B and I have been terribly hard on each other all week for reasons unknown, and I think now we are both feeling worn out from all the stress and pressure. I know we are. What I don't know is why it happens. I realize that it happens to everybody--or most everyone anyway, life jostles you around a bit and who do you take it out on but the person you are closest to. I have been running at panic level anxiety the past four or five days. In part because K and R have been coming slightly unglued as we wait to see the new psychiatrist at the end of the month, and in part because I always tend a little towards the panicky side. It does not bring out my best features, not by a long shot. B, of course, has been bearing the brunt of my overblown emotions and he's not holding up well under the pressure. While I wish this were different, I can hardly blame him. Now that he has quit drinking he says it's like walking around in the world without your skin--nothing to protect you from the harsh environment around you. Just nerves and a constant blast of cold air. And on top of that, I know how very difficult I can be to get along with when I am feeling raw myself. Which I am lately, and again I'm not terribly sure why.
I have to assume that we will figure out how to get through this discomfort together, but I can't help but hope that we will figure it out sooner rather than later, because these days of riding directly on each others nerves are hard on us both. I keep thinking that the key must just be to be kinder to each other, but the hard part seems to be figuring out how. Any suggestions?
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