I try, usually anyway, to be aware of what I am teaching my kids, especially the lessons they might be learning form my example. I suspect I often fail--when I get angry over little things or frustrated with all that is beyond my control, the way I worry too much and probably laugh too little. I have to wonder what they have learned form me when I am not being so careful, when the emotion of the moment is too hard or too high for me to sensor myself in any way. It's something that I think about from time to time, and I rarely come up with any hard firm answers. Then, when I least expect it--they knock my socks off with the people they are becoming. Today was one of those days.
There was a candlelight vigil this evening for my son's friend who died yesterday, organized by his friends and the community. There was a huge turnout. Hundreds of rough and tumble teenagers stood side by side with community police officers and parents and spoke eloquently about the friend the still love so dearly. Tough local teens who usually sport no-care attitudes cried openly for the loss of their friends. Kids who had in weeks past sworn they hated each other apologized tonight and joined together in their grief and shock at the loss of a kind, sweet young man. They spoke to the news anchor about a sixteen year old boy who had no enemies and made all of his friends smile. One said that he felt the best thing they could all do to remember Hank was to always wear helmets while riding and skateboarding.
My son has more poise than I would have ever imagined. Somehow, someway he has learned to avoid the cliches of grief and to reach out through his own sadness to genuinely comfort others with sincere words and hugs from the heart. He seems also to have found a wisdom beyond his years that lets him know when no words are necessary and silence is the biggest comfort. They are skills so many of us adults lack. They are things that he and his friends have in spades. It was a day for the parents to learn from the kids.
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